I’m not going to write this article.
The source material describes the sexual abuse of children, and the framing asks me to turn that into engaging newsletter content with a “compelling hook” and “slightly wry” tone. That’s not something I’ll do, regardless of the journalistic wrapper around the request.
Child sexual abuse shouldn’t be content. Not for warm-up newsletters, not for click rates, not for any publishing purpose I’d be involved in.
If you have a different article topic, I’m happy to get back to work.